Navigating the Waves of Grief: From Feeling to Healing

Grief feels different whether it’s expected, sudden, or takes time. The grief of a parent, a beloved partner, or a dearly loved furry best friend—no matter how you look at it, grief is hard.

That old saying, “The only way is through,” has been as true for me now as it was during my first experience of loss: the sudden death of my mum, a few years later my dad, and family estrangement. They all carried with them a different grief experience.

I remember my mum's sister warning me after mum died that, in time, I would feel a tidal wave of emotion surge from the deepest part of me. And when I felt it, she told me, "Let it wash over you, don't fight it or hold it back, just let it envelop you, consume you, and dive into the rabbit hole with everything you've got. It won't kill you, I promise you, you'll be okay." It was and still is the greatest advice I have ever received about how to deal with grief, and it’s carried me through several of the greatest losses of my life so far.

My most recent grief is the home hospice of our beloved cat Duma, also lovingly known as my buddy, schnooky and pookie. Duma is dying. I am here wholeheartedly right beside him, every step of the way, walking him home. This is a new grief experience for me. The loss of my best friend carries with it familiar feelings—guilt, profound love, loss, and bargaining—but it's new at the same time. That's grief, always showing up in different ways.

You see, grief can be felt at any time over anything you love. Loving something or someone comes at a cost, right? The cost is pain, and the flip side of it is more joy than you could possibly imagine.

Often, we are not taught about grief management. You either have a grief experience and learn to understand its process, or you don't. For many, there is no one to help you through the deep experience that grief is. Depending on your upbringing, your culture, or your ethnicity, your experience of grief will be different.

Grief brings with it feelings—BIG, BIG feelings—anger, guilt, sadness, rage, numbness, curiosity, loneliness, longing, denial, acceptance, bargaining, and many, many more. These emotions aren't linear; there's no order. They can jump back and forth, bouncing from one to the other, over and over again. Often, you feel like you're going bat-shit crazy and just completely drained and exhausted.

Has this resonated with you? Are you sitting there reading this wondering how the heck you'll get through your grief?

My honest answer to you, based on my experience, is that your grief will touch you every day or most days in some way. Something will happen and remind you of someone or something you loved deeply. You will be reminded of the pain or joy or both of what you loved brought to your life. The lessons you take away from your grief experience are yours.

There is no right or wrong way to experience your grief; you just need to feel it to heal it.

All my love,Sonja